


Not a Normal Fairy Tale

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Canon, Drama, Implied/Referenced Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-04-10
Updated: 2004-04-10
Packaged: 2018-12-26 23:06:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12068808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: As the Narrator of this tale I feel obligated to inform this does not have a happy ending that I know of. A tale of love, revenge, and death. The question I asked myself, is how these to amazing men got to this point? This level of desperation and sorrow. SO here our tale begins in a loft in Pittsburgh. A man writing in a journal, the events of the day, his final day as Brian Kinney.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Journal: July 19, 2002  
It started out a normal day. Wake up at 6:30am, shower 6:45am, breakfast at 7am and out the door by 7:10am, out the door for a day full of classes. A normal day indeed. Walking out of the elevator and saying a quick “Hey” to Bill the doorman I was out the front doors onto the street. A normal day- until I saw him standing by the jeep. “Hi Brian, I’m Ethan. I’ve come for Justin’s things and to give you this.” Handing over house keys and a quick retreat. I stayed silent, words wouldn’t - no couldn’t come out. I just wanted to break this little pricks neck, or at least beat him into unconscious. I gave a nod and took the keys. “Look” I said, “I have a really important meeting this morning can we do this some other time?” Like never, God Damn It Justin! You couldn’t be man enough to come for your shit yourself you had to send little violin player- wanna be a man- but-I’m-to-big-of-a-pussy-to-be-one here to my door to our, no MY loft. I don’t fucking think so. “Sure” Pussy boy replies “I’ll come back tonight, later” and then he walks off. “Well HAH! I won’t be here tonight,” I said rather quietly though I must say. “Fuck!”

I walk into the office; Cynthia comes up with a cup of coffee and one of her dumb ass grins. “Someone’s in a bad mood, didn’t get any last night?” “No, I didn’t, just like the past three weeks,” I tell her. She just kind of gives this look of shock, then leaves knowing this is your entire god damn fault. “God now I’m talking to myself, I am fucked” Just then the Twins walk into the office, “Brian just who we wanted to see.” Their so fucking happy I wonder if they fucking each other. “So Bri, how ya been? Look we really don’t have time to chat but there’s this big account coming and we want you to front it! Well catch you later!” and the twins are gone. Sometimes I can’t tall them apart, they finish each other’s sentences. 

Well that’s all of it; my desk is cleaned out, like my heart. God I’m pathetic. I tell Cynthia good-bye and tell her I see her on Monday. She doesn’t think anything of me leaving work at 10am; she thinks I’m going to you. You know I’m really going to miss her. As I walk to the parking garage I dial the munchers number. “ I’m coming over, be there in 5” I don’t even give them a chance to reply before I hang up. I’m really not a heartless shit. I love Lind’s, Gus and Mickey. Oh and Deb, can’t forget Deb. As if anyone could, she been like a mother to me. Better than the one I was born to.

After I go to the Munchers and tell Gus goodbye, and tell him how much I love him and to take care of his mommies I head over to Deb’s. I know Mickey’s there; he’s mowing the lawn like a good son. I walk in and smell Deb’s pasta and Vic’s bread in the oven and think, for just a moment I could stay. This has always been my home a place full of love and compassion. A home, until you. I have no home now. I am alone. Like everyone thought it would end, you happy and in love and me alone, dead with no one crying or caring like me.  
I kissed Mickey for the last time and tell Ben he’s a great guy for you, and tell Debbie that she’ll always be my mom and that I love her, Vic too. I go back to the loft; I’m leaving Ted and Emmett letters. I have now found that saying goodbye is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I’m actually feeling sad, alone, depressed maybe. It’s all for you babe, all of it.

When you left you said I was uncaring and cold. That I had no room to love anyone but that and myself I would die alone. Well baby the loft is empty and so am I. I tried to stop you, for the first time I ran after somebody because you were-are worth it. I screamed and shouted, “Stay! Please JUSTIN STAY WITH ME! I NEED YOU!” I finally said it. I need you. But you just walked on out the door; I guess I didn’t scream loud enough in my head for you to hear it coming out of my lips. I did cry though and you say the tears. That little fucker Ethan saw then and laughed. So now I hope your gonna be happy Sunshine, with Ethane and not me.

I decided to write all of today done, my last day. Just for you. Not as a final retaliation but, so that you could know all that I do is for you. The loft is clean; Rosa came in this morning and clean prior to my request. I didn’t want to be known as a slob, especially with all the bottles and shit all over the place. I’ve decided that pills would just be to 1990’2 as well and hanging myself (I’ve already done that) So…  
Good ole’ fashion poison will be my death. I’ve poised myself for years, with drugs, booze and meaningless sex. Now its time for the good stuff, my final mix, my final sleep.

I take the poison, and chase it with Jack. Good ole’ Jack, got to love him. Wow it’s quick, it already hurts. Nothing I can’t handle though. I love you Justin, I always have I’ve just been too much of a prick to tell you. Since that night on Liberty Avenue I’ve loved you, and I did remember your name. Oh fuck it hurts! I’ve decided to go to bed. My favorite place at least when you’re here. You’ve been gone three weeks, two days, and 6 hours. I haven’t had a trick for almost 3months I just never told you. When I got the four I was going to give you…Ah, poison gotta love it. My lawyer is going to receive a package in the mail and is being instructed to pass around what’s inside. Letters, deeds, titles and such are going to you and I hope that  
I really love you Justin, more than anything in my whole entire being. I just want you to know that because you have never heard it although I’ve said it dozens of times. Just we you couldn’t hear. Wow its really going now I’m gonna lay down for a bit I’ll finish this when I wake up. I love you Justin Taylor, I wish it could have been Justin Kinney but maybe in another world another life.


	2. Not a Normal Fairy Tale

A note found in Brian’s Journal. Addressed to Justin no time or date noted.

Justin,  
A quick note, a last goodbye to my Sunshine. I don’t want your last memory of me to be a bad one: me cold, distant and uncaring because none of those feelings are meant for you. You have always had my respect and love. You are the bravest man I have ever met and it has been a privilege to be aloud to love and be loved by you. All the things I could never say to you and you thought I didn’t know how to feel, I did and I mean in any and every possible way that I will love you for eternity and always have loved you. Yes Sunshine I do give a damn and you mean more to me than you could ever imagine. But I must leave because when you fall in love with sunshine, a privilege is bestowed upon you and a payment must be fulfilled for the love received. I am ever so proud to have known you and even more to have been loved and allowed to love you.  
With all my love,   
Eternally yours,  
~Brian~

As the tale unfolds a story of love shines through. Two men so in love that they cause hurt and pain to each other. The point of view of both: Justin and Brian on July 19.


	3. Not a Normal Fairy Tale

Justin POV

 

I decided once and for all I would go to the loft and talk to him. It’s been three weeks two days and almost seven hours since I left. I just couldn’t take it any more, the tricks, the lies; I just wanted him to tell me he loved me that’s all! Ethan came to Babylon for the Rage premiere and I left with him. I was just so tired, tired of the lies, pain, hurt, the life. I just wanted to be happy. So I thought I could find that with Ethan- that was a mistake. Ethan is such a control freak and has to monitor everything I do. Where I go, where I eat, what I read, watch or anything else. But at least he loves me. He tells me everyday “Justin, you’re my everything, my life, my air, my spirit. Well this fairy tale sucks. I miss Brian so much it hurts (so goes my theory on no pain) I know he loves me, he just can’t say ok so maybe I should just deal with that. Why should he have to change just for me?

Outside the Loft:  
10 minutes later

He should fucking change because he’s the wrong one here! I am so fucking tired of his bullshit. I make my way up the stairs, I feel like the exercise. As soon as I reach the top floor I got the door and had this sudden rush of fear and pain. Something was wrong with Brian I could feel it. I ran to the door and tried to unlock the door but the key wouldn’t fit. “DAMN IT! BRIAN OPEN THE DOOR” I screamed as loud as I could but he didn’t answer. “Please Bri open the door! Of all the times to change the damn locks!” I ran down the stairs to get the Super to open the door. Please don’t le me be too late.

 

Brian’s POV  
10 minutes earlier

Oh fuck, my head hurts. Not to mention this stabbing pain in my stomach, that’s just the poison though. Even in my groggy state I can make it around the loft, there are messages from Vic, Lindsay and 4 from Michael. Fuck it: they’ll get their letters. Right now all I want to do is get another bottle and die in peace. I grab the nearest bottle and high tale it back to bed. My blue light is on, my duvet in its desired place I am ready. I grabbed the picture of me, Justin and Gus on his birthday, it’s all I want with me: well that and my bottle. I know I’m drifting in and out of conciseness and the last thing I see is Justin’s Sunshine smile. My Sunshine, the light that broke into my fucked up dark palace and made me happy. Until that little shit Ethan had to fuck everything up. “If I wasn’t dying right now I would kick your ass” I tell him or at least what I think is him. Really it’s a sculpture but by now I’m hallucinating. Just as another wave of darkness is about to hit I hear Justin’s voice screaming at me. At least I think its him, come to save me from the horrible death but I realize its “Ethan” trying to hurt me even more. I think I’m going to black out now.

Justin POV  
20 minutes since arrival

The super just threw the keys at me and I ran as fast as I could up to the loft and opened the door. Oh shit, the loft was completely clean not a bottle or papers anywhere. Where in the hell is he? The bed. Our bed, no his bed I gave that up. Remember Justin? I walked up the stairs and see Brian laying under the covers a bottle in one hand and a picture of us and Gus in the other. Please be ok baby.


	4. Not a Normal Fairy Tale

The Moment of Truth

As Justin walked up the stairs to the bed, Brian heard the footsteps and woke. “Whom ever you are go away, I wanna die in peace” Justin was startled to here Brian’s confession; he really is trying to kill himself. “No, I will not leave you alone you dumbass. You’re stuck with me.” Justin kneeled down to Brian on the bed and kissed him. He tasted the liquor and something that tasted bitter. “Bri what did you take?” “I dunno” Brian replied. “ Why the fuck do you care, go back to pussy boy and leave me in peace.” By now Brian was losing it to say the least. The poison was making him weak and very tired. “You don’t love me anymore, you stopped so long ago. That damn Ethan. He ruined everything” “What did you take BRIAN!” Justin was now shouting. “I was going to tell you after the RAGE party. I had it all planed, just like after the prom. I had flowers and candles, champagne. I really was ready Justin to tell you. To late now” Brian was starting to act like a child, and really scaring Justin. He dialed 911 and got and ambulance on the way. “Brian baby, please what did you take? Brian please!” Justin crying was very worried he would really lose Brain. Just then Brian shifted in the bed and exposed a vial, the vial of poison and there was a bit left.   
“Brian? Baby what did you take? Is this it?” Justin showed Brian the vial and got only a nod. “Well baby if you won’t tell me what it is how will I know if it will hurt me? I won’t live without you… Bottoms up!” Justin placed the vial to his lips and was about to drink “NO!” Brian shot up from lying down and grabbed Justin’s hand. “I’m leaving you this time! DO you here me? It’s always you leaving me. Well I didn’t fuck up this time you did. You broke all the rules and I kept every damn one of them! For the first time I really tried and you fucked it up! Well Justin I AM LEAVING YOU!” Brian yelled at Justin. Justin just sat there not knowing what to say. After a few minutes, which seemed like an eternity Justin spoke: “Well you can leave me but I’ll always follow you, to death if I must. I love you Brian.” Justin grabbed the vial of poison and swallowed it. “NO! Justin no!” Brian crying and shouting now realized that maybe this wasn’t his brightest idea, Justin still loved him and he \loved Justin. But know they were both going to die. The swiftness of the poison took a direct hit on Justin and he double over in pain. It was going to be quick for the two lovers. Brian took Justin into his arms and hugged him tight. Justin happy to back with the man he loved now realized what he had done, but was ok. If he had to die who better with, and who better to be with forever. The pain was intensifying for both men and the end was near. Just before a wave of blackness swept over him, Brian looked deep into Justin’s eyes and said “you mean something to me, I love you Justin.” And then Brian was out, but for Justin he could die a happy man knowing out loud Brian loved him. As another wave of pain shot through his body Justin prayed that the paramedics would get there soon. But for now he would take a quick nap in the arms of the man who loved him back.

 

The end for our lovers? Not a fairytale ending I will say, but an ending for now. The exact truth to be told at a later time. Perhaps: Once upon a time?


End file.
